Father's Day was especially meaningful for me this year, in part, because of my ten year old grandson, Elijah. Elijah has grown up living in my home with my daughter, Rebekah. This was the first Father's Day that Elijah expressed sadness over not having a father. Elijah's father wanted Rebekah to have an abortion, but I thank God that my daughter chose life. I have a confession to make, however. I am thankful now that my daughter chose life, but at the time I was angry. Not because she decided not to abort her baby. I was angry because I knew that her pregnancy would impact my life in many ways. It was a selfish kind of anger, indeed, a sinful anger, and I am ashamed of it now. I had no idea what a blessing her "choice" would be to me.
Elijah's sadness on Father's Day was a result of his father's decision not to be a part of his life. His father was present the day he was born, but has only seen Elijah on one occasion since, when Elijah was only 18 months old. They have had no contact since. This has left a hole in Elijah's life that no one else can fill, not even me.
Yes, it's true, Elijah has grown up in my home and I've been a part of his life almost every day since day one, but nothing can change the fact that I am his grandfather and not his father. I sense that time and time again.
Several years ago I was on my way to a pastor's conference and was listening to Focus on the Family on the radio. The program featured a book about the devastating effects of being fatherless, especially on boys. Gangs, drugs, alcohol, and crime rates are all dramatically higher for boys without fathers. As I listened, I was brokenhearted thinking about Elijah. Then Dr. Dobson asked the author if there was any substitute that could make a real positive impact on the life of a fatherless boy. The author said that there was only one. It was to have a resident grandfather, meaning a grandfather who lived in the same home as the boy without a father. I was so moved by the privilege God had given me to have Elijah in my home and in my life everyday, that I had to pull over to the side of the road because I was crying so hard I couldn't see to drive.
After ten years of being Elijah's resident grandfather, he now seems more like a son than a grandson. I've had the joy of taking him to school, to soccer, basketball and baseball games, going camping together and on "man dates" to the movies or swimming at the Gulf of Mexico. We've built Legos together and played catch. We've ridden hundreds of miles on bikes together and shared lots of experiences that fathers and sons get to share. Each year, he is more and more my "son." What a blessing it has been to be a "father" again, and this time to experience that joy and challenge with a boy instead of with girls. Believe me, boys live in a whole different universe than girls!
At the same time I've discovered that it's a special challenge being both "father" and grandfather at the same time. I find myself constantly changing hats. Much of the time I have to wear the "father" hat which means setting boundaries, upholding rules, managing and helping with homework, and meting out punishments for infractions, along with his mother, Rebekah. But sometimes, some wonderful times, I get to put on the "grandfather" hat and just lavish love and spoiling on my grandson like a grandfather is supposed to do. And sometimes I put on the wrong hat, spoiling when I should discipline, or getting tough when his mother has already handled the situation.
Father's Day meant so much to me this year because I have the privilege of being a "father" again at a stage in life when I have much more wisdom, insight, patience and love in my heart than ever before. I pray that God gives me many more years to be Elijah's surrogate father, so that at an appropriate age for him I can share with him some of the wisdom God has imparted to me through the years on subjects too delicate for a ten year old.
Yes, being a father the first time around was a huge blessing, and it's still a blessing to have my daughters in my life. But there's a special blessing to being a "father" again. I know that I can never replace the father Elijah longs for, but what an honor to try and make up for that loss in whatever way I possibly can. As Father's Day drew to a close yesterday, Elijah and I were celebrating the Spurs victory and putting away the lego tank that we have been building together for the past couple days. I wished him goodnight and said, "You're like a son to me, Elijah. I love you." My heart almost burst as he replied, "You're like a father to me, Papa. I love you." I am blessed!
