God: God Is Good

Psalm 119:68 says, "You are good, and what you do is good." Everything that God does is good, because goodness is a part of God's character.  Psalm 145:9 says, "The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." God is always good and He is good to everyone. Jesus said, "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous (Matthew 5:45).

We all experience God's goodness every day in countless ways that we aren't even aware of.  Every blessing in your life is a sign of God's goodness. You've probably had one of those moments when everything came together in your life and it all seemed just about perfect. Did it make you say, "Thanks, Lord. You are good!"

God is good even when everything isn't perfect in our lives. In fact, God is good even when everything is falling apart.  God's goodness doesn't come and go.  It is a constant in our lives.  That's why Paul says that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28). Even our worst days contain signs of God's goodness.

Because God is good we don't have to worry about being good enough to earn his favor.  God delights in doing good things for his children, just like any good parent, even more so.  It pleases Him to show us his goodness by forgiving us, by blessing us, by graciously giving good things that we have not earned or deserved.

What does this mean? We do not have to live our lives in fear. God is good and is eager to do good to us. We should rejoice in His goodness every day.  We need to keep our eyes opened and our minds attuned to God's goodness in our lives so that we can give Him thanks and praise.  Because God is good to us, we should be good to others, not repaying evil for evil but showing goodness to everyone we meet.  In this way we will shine the light of God's goodness in their lives.  Goodness is one of the fruits of the Spirit that should be evident in our lives because we know God and have experienced his goodness.

God: God Is Holy

God is holy. Perfect. Righteous. In every way.  What more is there to say? "He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he" (Deuteronomy 32:4).

Every aspect of our morality, our perception of right and wrong, is based entirely on the character of God.  God has no character flaws. And his character defines virtue.  Anything out of sync with God's character is evil.  Everything in accord with God's character is good. Without the holiness of God as its standard, there could be no morality, no universal standard of right and wrong by which to judge conduct.

If there is no God, then there is no basis for morality other than what each individual thinks at the moment. It is entirely subjective and changeable.  Therefore, apart from God there is no such thing as morality.

God's holiness is beautiful. "One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple" (Psalm 27:4). As King David said in First Chronicles 16:29, God's perfect character moves us to "worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness."

God wants us to strive to emulate his holiness in our lives. Jesus said: "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). Some people argue that it is impossible for us to be perfect so it's foolish to even try.  You will only be depressed and discouraged by your failure.  But that is not true.  Paul says, "Aim for perfection" (2 Corinthians 13:11). Paul can say that even though he knows we will never achieve it because he also knows that God's grace is perfect.  It covers all our sins and shortcomings so that we don't have to be discouraged by our failures.

What does this mean? If you want to know the difference between right and wrong, don't listen to the world. The world will constantly redefine morality to suit its own selfish whims.  Look to God and his Word. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32). When you want the strength to do the right thing, ask God and He will supply.  With David we should say,  "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect" (Psalm 18:32). It is foolish for us to try and do the right thing on our own, or in our own strength. Walk by faith in Jesus, who was Holy for us, and who gives us his Holy Spirit so that we may live holy and God pleasing lives.

God: God Is Omniscient

Omniscient is a word used only to describe God, unless it is used as hyperbole to describe an extremely intelligent and knowledgeable person. The word literally means "all knowledge."  That is exactly what God has at his disposal.  In fact, God is the source of all true knowledge.  Where did the laws of nature come from?  They were established by God.  What about the incredible amounts of information stored in our DNA that makes life possible?  It was written by God. Mathematics and music were both invented by God. 

God has all knowledge not only of the physical world, but of all things past, present and future. There is nothing that is unknown to God.  Even your secret sins are known to God.  That is why we must not try to hide our sins but confess them to Him and seek God's mercy. 

God understands things that we could not possibly understand.  His wisdom and understanding far exceed anything that we are capable of knowing or learning.  That is why some things about God are a mystery to us.  I like to tell people that my brain isn't big enough to wrap all the way around God.  It would be frightening to me if I could understand God completely.  That would mean that the God who is in charge of everything is no smarter than I am.  And having someone no smarter than me in charge of everything would be an utter disaster!

What does this mean? When life doesn't seem to make any sense, and everything seems to be careening out of control, we can be confident that God understands what is going on, even if you and I don't. God has infinitely more information about any given situation than we do.  So even if we can't figure out why God is allowing something to happen, or doing something that doesn't make sense to us, we can trust that He really does know what He is doing. 

When we are looking for advice on how to deal with someone or something in life, we can be confident in seeking guidance in God's Word.  The Bible is God's source of wisdom for our lives.  Whatever God tells us in his Word we can trust.  He is not mistaken about anything. So when you're trying to figure out a difficult problem in life, get into God's Word and see what he will reveal to you.  His wisdom is there for your to access and apply to your life. 

God: God Is Omnipresent

God is the creator of everything that exists, including the space-time continuum in which we live. We function in three dimensions of space and one dimension of time. Scientists, however, based on what we know and understand about the universe and the laws of physics that govern the universe have calculated that there must be at least 11 dimensions, most of which we are unable to access.

God, however, being supernatural and existing apart from everything that He created occupies and functions in every dimension of the universe. And because God is eternal, there is no dimension of space or time where God is not present. He is everywhere at all times, past, present, and future. 

That is why the Psalmist wrote, "Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast" (Psalm 139:7-10).

This also means that there is no sin that we can hide from God. "You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence." This is why it is so important for us to confess our sins and seek God's grace and forgiveness in Jesus.

However, if anyone persistently rejects God and the grace that He offers us in Jesus Christ, that person will spend eternity apart from God and God's presence. Thus, we should pray with David, "Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me" (Psalm 51:11).

The most wonderful promise concerning heaven is that when we are there we will be in the presence of God in a more wonderful way than we have ever experienced before. "You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand" (Psalm 16:11). 

What does this mean? God's omnipresence is a wonderful truth that should give us great peace and confidence in every circumstance.  No matter where we are, no matter what we are going through, God is there with us, and for us. He will guide us. He will hold us fast in his loving hands. Never fear, for you are always in God's presence for He is present everywhere. And when we have been kept safe by his presence through every trial of this life, He will bring us home to live in his presence for all eternity.

God: God Is Omnipotent

Omnipotent is one of those big words we don't use very often and we have to think for a second about what it means.  It's from the Latin. Omni means "all" and Potent means "powerful."  God is all powerful.  

That should be obvious to us to us when we look at creation.  We scan the sky with the help of a powerful space-based telescope like Hubble and we see an estimated 100 billion galaxies! We're talking galaxies, not just single stars. A hundred billion galaxies! Who can fathom the power that it took to create such a universe from nothing?  It is incomprehensible!

The Bible tells us that nothing is impossible with God.  God can do anything, anything that is, except something that violates his character.  God cannot be evil, because evil is not a part of his character.  Also, God can choose to limit what He does in a given situation.  The limitation is self-imposed and does not in any way alter the fact that God can do anything. Look at the Son of God hanging on the cross. He chose not to assert his divine power to rescue Himself from death at the hands of evil men, because He knew that his death would atone for our sins.  That was a self-limitation.  Could He have stepped down from the cross at any time? Of course He could have.

Miracles are common in Scripture. Even though miracles violate the laws of nature, God can do miracles because He established the laws of nature.  It is not too difficult for Him to do something that appears "impossible" according to the laws of nature.  Because He established them, He can also circumvent the laws of nature whenever He sees fit.

Because God is omnipotent, He will never get tired, grow weary or wear out.  He has all power at his disposal all of the time.  All power. Unlimited power. Absolute power.

What does this mean? You'll never find yourself is a situation that is too difficult for God to handle.  You need never doubt that He can intervene for you at any time, in any way imaginable.  However, that doesn't mean that He will.  Remember, I said that God can choose to limit his power, or simply choose not use it in a given circumstance. 

Sometimes, it's hard for us to understand why He chooses not to intervene with his divine power, but we need to remember that God is love.  He works all things, good and bad alike, for our good because He loves us.  We might wish that He would intervene in some miraculous way when we're facing a tough situation, but that is his sovereign choice.  

Nevertheless, when you're overwhelmed by whatever it is that you're up against, remember that God's power is never too small to see you through.  He is all powerful.  

God: God Is Love

One of the most wonderful things that the Bible tells us about God is that God is love. This should not surprise us in any way.  God loved us so much that He sacrificed his own Son in order to reconcile us to Himself.  But why should a Being who has existed eternally, wholly sufficient in and of Himself, have any conception of love? 

I believe that the reason God is love is because God is Triune.  The word Trinity or Triune is never used in the Bible.  It is a term Christians have coined to describe how God has revealed Himself to us in his Word.  The Bible clearly states that God is One and there is only One True God.  At the same time, God has revealed Himself to us in three distinct persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 

You can find all three persons of the Trinity in the very first chapter of the Bible. God the Father is the Creator at work to form the universe.  God the Holy Spirit is also present and active, "hovering over the waters." From the Gospel of John we know that Jesus Christ, the Son of God is the Word of God made flesh, and that "through him all things were made." Thus, we see the Son of God active in creation in the repeated formula, "and God said..."

There are numerous clear references to the Trinity all through the Old and New Testaments. Thus, we understand that although God existed alone before creation began, God existed in relationship with Himself from eternity and before He created anything or anyone else.  Because this is true, clearly God is by nature relational.  And relationships involve love. Of course, human relationships also involve conflict. Why was there never any conflict between the three persons of the Trinity throughout eternity? Although there are three persons, there is only one God. All three persons are of one substance and therefore there can be no conflict within the Trinity.

Don't try to figure out how there can be only one God yet three persons.  You and I are not smart enough to understand the Trinity.  We can't wrap our brains around God!  We can only accept what God has clearly revealed to us.

So what does this mean?  A God who has existed in relationship from eternity is a God who understands love.  God is love because God is relational. You can always count on God's love.  It knows no limits.  God was willing to take our place and bear our punishment in order to atone for our sins so that we could be restored to a relationship with Him.  Truly, that kind of a God is love!

God: God Is

God Is. That is a very simple but profound statement. The implication of that statement that I want to explore is this: God is eternal. The famous atheist Richard Dawkins likes to ask, "Who made God?"  It is a foolish question. Everything that has a beginning must have a cause. But behind every cause there must necessarily be one uncaused eternal cause of everything else.

A few decades ago scientists liked to argue that the universe was eternal, until the universe itself provided irrefutable evidence that it had a beginning.  Scientists called it "the big bang."  What caused the big bang? According to science it just happened when an infinitesimally small point of matter and energy exploded and the universe was born.  But I would ask, "Where did that point of matter/energy come from?" If it existed eternally, what caused it to explode? Since it had remained an infinitesimally small point of matter and energy from eternity, then there was nothing within it to cause it to explode.  Something external must have done that. Otherwise it would still be infinitesimally small. 

God is. He has existed from eternity and always will exist. He is the cause of everything else that exists, including time and space, matter and energy. If there is no God, then nothing at all would exist.

Because God is eternal, God is also immutable, that is, unchangeable.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  His character never changes. His power never changes.  His wisdom never changes. His love never changes.

Because God existed before time and He created time, therefore He is not affected by time. God is. You cannot say that God was, because He always IS. You cannot say that God will be, because He is in the future right now! He knows the end from the beginning because He is apart from time. Just as He is not bound by the dimensions of space that we experience, so He is not bound by the dimension of time that we live in.  Time is what allows us to experience change. Without time there would be no change.  As a result, God, who is eternal and exists apart from time, does not change. 

What does this mean?  You can count on God! He is always there for you. He will never cease to be there.  He is always the same.  Therefore His love for you will never change.  His power to help you will never change. We live in a world of constant change, and this can leave us feeling very unsettled. Let God be your constant in a world of change.  God is.

The Counsel of the Holy

While on my bike this morning I was thinking what it would be like to have been inside the colloquy of the
Godhead before creation began.

Father: It’s wonderful to share this love we have among ourselves, but wouldn’t it be even more wonderful to share it with many others?

Son: You mean create being like us, in our image, to share our love with.

Father: Yes. 

Son: There’s just one problem. For them to freely love us they would have to be sovereign like us, which means they could also choose to rebel against us and despise us.

Spirit: And once they understood that they could choose their own will over our will, pride would make them want to be like God.

Father: Yes I understand that, but I think it would be worth the cost to be able to share infinitely more love than we share within ourselves right now.

Son: The cost would be tremendous.  Once they rebelled against us, they would never be able to restore our fellowship on their own.  We would have to do that for them.

Father: Yes, we will have to.  Are you willing, Son?

Son: Father, you know that I am.  If I become one of them and live in perfect harmony with us, then I can make the perfect sacrifice for their sins.

Spirit:  But what a sacrifice that will be!  Are you sure you want to do that?

Son: In order to share our love with billions of more people, yes I am.

Spirit: It’s wonderful that we have no rebellion or disharmony among ourselves.

Father: That’s because it’s impossible.  We are of one substance.  Even though there are three of us, there is only one of us.

Spirit:  And that will forever remain a mystery to those we create in our image.

Father: Impossible for them to comprehend.

Son: Just as it will be impossible for them to comprehend how I will be both fully divine and fully human at the same time.

Father: Another mystery.

Son:  But we must do more than redeem them.  Once I have atoned for their sins and credited my perfect righteousness to them by faith, we will have to transform them to become like me.

Spirit: That’s where I come in.  You will go and become one of them and live among them to redeem them.  I will live within them to transform their hearts and minds so that they will become holy.

Father:  That won’t be an easy task.  Sin will cling to them as long as they live, once they have tasted the pride of rebellion. 

Son: That’s why my death for their sins will not be the end.  I will rise again from the dead so that they too may live again, after they have died for their sins.

Spirit: So that even though they die, they will live forever with us.

Father: Yes, in perfect unity and harmony forever.  They will share our glory.

Son: That sounds like a plan.  Where should we start?

Father:  They’re going to need a place to live, a place that reflects our glory.  Let us make a spectacular universe that will declare the power, wisdom and glory we have to every one of them.

Son:  And let’s make them in a wonderful fashion, in such a fantastic manner that they will see our glory everywhere in their own beings.  It will be amazing when they discover the secret code written in their cells to give them life.

Spirit:  It will be just as amazing for them to realize that they are more than just physical beings, that they have a soul, a spirit so that they can share in our love.

Father, Son and Holy Spirit: Let us begin.  Let there be light…

I’m sure it was nothing like that, but that’s the best my puny mind can imagine about our glorious, holy, Triune God.  I’m just glad they had that conversation somewhere in eternity, because otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.

The Mercy Seat

Many Old Testament prophecies foretold the coming of the Messiah. Most of them are familiar to us.  Other Old Testament rituals also foreshadowed the gift of a Savior, such as the Passover Lamb.  There is one such Old Testament foreshadowing that many Christians have missed, however.  It is found in Exodus 25, when God described to Moses the construction of the Ark of the Covenant and specifically the cover for the Ark, called the Atonement Cover or the Mercy Seat.

"Then make the Ark’s cover—the place of atonement—from pure gold. It must be 45 inches long and 27 inches wide. Then make two cherubim from hammered gold, and place them on the two ends of the atonement cover." (Exodus 25:17-18)

This Atonement Cover took on great importance once a year on the Day of Atonement.  The High Priest was to offer a goat as a sin offering and would then enter the Most Holy Place and sprinkle some of the blood of the goat on the mercy seat in order to atone for the sins of the people. Thus the blood of the sacrifice would rest on the flat surface between the two cherubim on each end of the Atonement Cover.

On the first Easter the women went to the tomb and were surprised to find the stone had been rolled away from the entrance to the tomb. They were greeted by an angel announcing that Jesus had risen from the dead.  They ran to tell the disciples and Peter and John ran to the tomb to see for themselves, with Mary Magdalene following them.  She lingered after they left and John reports in his Gospel: "Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot."  This description of what Mary saw is remarkable. 

The empty tomb of Jesus had essentially become the Most Holy Place. Just as the veil in the temple had been torn when Jesus died, now at his resurrection the stone had been removed, allowing complete access to the tomb.  And instead of the Atonement Cover, there was a flat rock shelf on which the body of Christ had been laid, bloodied from the flogging and crucifixion.  Instead of two cherubim of hammered gold, God sent two angels, one to sit at either end of the place where Jesus' body had been. 

Interestingly, the Ark of the Covenant and its Atonement Cover no longer exist.  They were lost, long before the coming of our Savior.  After the time when King Josiah restored the temple of the Lord the Ark of the Covenant disappeared.  The prophet Jeremiah said that this would happen.

"In those days, when your numbers have increased greatly in the land,” declares the LORD, “men will no longer say, ‘The ark of the covenant of the LORD.’ It will never enter their minds or be remembered; it will not be missed, nor will another one be made." (Jeremiah 3:16)

Thus, the Atonement Cover of the Ark of the Covenant was a foreshadowing of the new place of Atonement that God had in mind, the Atonement Cover of the New Covenant that Jeremiah spoke of.

“The time is coming,” declares the LORD, “when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel... This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time,” declares the LORD... I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” (Jeremiah 31:31-34)

The empty tomb became the Most Holy Place. The rock shelf where the body of Jesus lay and on which his blood dripped down  became the Atonement Cover, and the angels who spoke to Mary served as the fulfillment of the golden cherubim at each end of the original mercy seat.

The fact that the tomb was empty and that Jesus was alive was the proof positive that his blood was indeed sufficient to atone for our sins, that his sacrifice was acceptable to the Father, and that we have been redeemed and made right with God.

What an awesome God we have who would give us this foreshadowing of the death and resurrection of Jesus thousands of years beforehand! This demonstrates the truly unique and amazing character of Holy Scripture as the Word of God.  It gives us all the more confidence to believe that the events recorded in the Gospel which procured our salvation really did take place and really do seal our salvation.  Thank God for Jesus!

Have A Very Merry Materialistic Christmas!

If I told you that I’ve never been a big fan of Christmas, my wife Diana would have said, “Now, that’s an understatement!” I think a big part of my turn off has always been the materialism of Christmas.  Merchants use it to sell everything imaginable at exorbitant prices.  So when I was assigned to preach this year on “The Materialism that Stole Christmas,” I looked forward to the opportunity with relish.  Interestingly, it turned out differently than I expected.  I discovered something about Christmas that I had forgotten, or at least neglected in my mind.

The real message and meaning of Christmas is story about materialism.  It is the story of how the God of the universe who is Spirit, but who created everything material that exists, entered into the world which He created in the person of His Son.  It’s the story of how God became man in order to save sinful human beings. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)

In reality, the most important aspect of Christmas is the material one, the fact that Jesus Christ took on flesh and blood in order to become our substitute. Only as a real human being could Jesus take our place in living a life of holiness in perfect obedience to His Father’s will.  This is the life that God’s righteousness demands of us, but that we can never live because of our sinful human nature. Because of our sin, we are under the condemnation of the Law.  We deserve to die eternally.  But Jesus took our place. “But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons.” (Galatians 4:4-5)

Because Jesus lived His life perfectly in our place, he was able to offer His life as the sacrifice for our sins by dying on the cross.  He was only able to do this because He had a material body, because He was fully human, even though He was also fully divine.  This is the miracle of the Incarnation that we celebrate at Christmas.

However, since the beginning of Christianity, there have been false prophets who have sought to deny that Jesus was fully human.“Many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist.” (2 John 7) So there is a form of “anti-materialism” that can steal Christmas by denying that Jesus came into the world as both true God and true man.  If Jesus wasn’t fully human He could not take our place.  He could not be our substitute.  He could not die and rise again for us.  And that lie can also rob us of eternity. 

This was probably my wife’s favorites Christmas decoration.  She loved it because to her, Santa Claus has come to represent the materialism of Christmas, but Jesus is the reality of Christmas.  So this image shows us the false materialism of Christmas becoming subject and submitting to the real materialism of Christmas, which is Christ, the Son of God born as a real human being.

So do not forget the truth that Christmas really is about something material.  It is all about God becoming a man.  It’s all about the Incarnation.  Without the material gift of God’s Son, we would not have anything to celebrate at Christmas. That’s exactly the reason why we give material gifts at Christmas, to commemorate the gift of God’s own Son.  It is appropriate that we give material gifts to those we love, because God, out of love for us, gave us a material gift of His own, Jesus Christ our Savior.   But even as we buy and wrap and exchange material gifts at Christmas time, let’s make sure that our focus always remains on Jesus, the greatest material gift of all.

Unrestrained Evil!

This afternoon, shortly after returning home from church, I heard the devastating news about the horrific church shooting in Sutherland Springs, Texas.  This small town is about 35 miles southeast of where I live in San Antonio.  For such a massacre to take place so close to home forces one to come to grips with the reality of this evil in a whole new way.

I am a man of great faith, but I have to confess that my first reaction to this report was the same as my first reaction to the reports of the massacre in Las Vegas a few weeks ago.  "God, why would you let this happen?"  In a sense, we can never understand the answer to that question because we will never have  a command of anywhere near the knowledge, understanding and information that God has at his command.  God does restrain evil.  His Word makes that clear.  But God does not restrain all evil.  And we probably would not be able to understand why evil is seemingly allowed a free hand on some occasions even if God tried to explain it to us.

As I reflected on this shooting through the course of the day, a number of thoughts came to mind.  This world is very evil.  Why is that?  It's because ever since Adam and Eve misused their free will to rebel against God's command, sin has been a reality in the heart and mind of every human being that ever lived.  Evil is real, but it is not just an impersonal force floating around in the universe. It is a part of the very nature of our being.

If you doubt that evil is a very real part of your being, just imagine a machine that would portray your every thought on a theater screen for everyone to see.  How long do you think you could perfectly control your thoughts while sitting there looking out at the audience of your friends, neighbors, family, co-workers?  How long before thoughts of jealousy, envy, hatred, lust, revenge, greed, or a thousand other sinful ideas would be played out for everyone to see?

Yes, evil resides in everyone of us. Left to our own devices, we are all capable of the worst evil that we can imagine.  But thank God that for those of us who know and believe in Jesus Christ, there is a check on the evil within us.  That check is our faith and the power of the Holy Spirit.  It begins with the realization that there is a God to whom we must answer.  The Bible says that "the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom."  The fear of God can restrain evil within us and help us make wise choices about our actions.

But even more so, it is our new birth though faith in Jesus Christ that helps us overcome the evil within us and helps us live our lives to the glory of God.  "If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation."  It is Christ living in us that empowers us to say no to sin and say yes to God.  Furthermore, the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit is going on in us to transform us into the image of God's Son.  "It is God's will that you should be sanctified," Scripture says.

The more we immerse ourselves in God's Word, the more we seek God's face in prayer, the more we honor Him in worship, the more we taste of His grace in the Lord's Supper, and the more we serve Him with our hands and feet as we serve others in love, the more the evil within us will be overcome.

What America needs to overcome the kind of evil that we've seen in Las Vegas and in Sutherland Springs is repentance and faith.  Jesus warned us, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world." Because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ at work in the hearts and lives of God's people all manner of evil is restrained every moment of every day.  But because unrepentance and unbelief is rampant all around us, there will always be evil to contend with.  Some of it God will choose to restrain outwardly. Some of it will be limited by His divine power.  And some will seemingly go unchecked. In the last instance we must trust God's promise that He works all things for the good of those who love Him, even if we cannot comprehend how that will be.

But to give up on faith because of evil men like the one who senselessly massacred 26 people at First Baptist Church this morning will only make the world more evil.  When we who have faith lose it because of evil, we become more evil ourselves.  Cling to faith, it is the only thing that can restrain the evil within us.

The Battle of Growing Older

Today was an absolutely picture perfect day in San Antonio: eighty-two degrees, bright sunshine, not a cloud in the sky with a very light breeze in the air.  I just couldn't resist the bike even though I had not ridden since October 10.  Fortunately for me, today was one of my smarter days.  I only did seven miles, with 345 feet of vertical gain at 13 miles per hours.  It was just the right ride for my body in my shape at my age.  It was glorious!

Having reached my late 60's (67 to be precise) I think I've finally figured out that growing older is a battle.  Soon after Diana passed away (and I realized that I would no longer have to be devoting large chunks of time each day to her care) I decided I was going to get back intro shape.  I went at it with a passion that soon left me burned out.  Then I gave up.  It didn't take too long for me to realize, however, that I was losing strength and mobility much too quickly by just sitting around.  But when I did try to exercise I would usually go overboard and leave myself feeling drained at least for the rest of the day, if not for several days.

Now I recognize that growing older is a battle, and no matter how hard I try to win, it is a losing battle.  That's because nothing in this world can prevent the infirmities of age from eventually overtaking my body.  Scripture says, "The wages of sin is death," and I am now collecting my pay for all the sins I've been guilty of in the past nearly seven decades of my life.  Like it or not I will die, and the best I can hope for is to maintain enough health and strength to remain independent for as long as possible.

It will not do me any good to abuse my body in an effort to become again what I can no longer be.  I will never be the cyclist I was at age 55 when I rode the 206 miles from Seattle to Portland in one day at an average speed of 17 miles per hour.  I will never again be able to climb from the Puyallup Valley to the end of the road at Sunrise on the top of Mount Rainier, climbing 9000 feet and covering 140 miles in a single day. No matter how much I abuse my body, my age will forestall such achievements in the future.

On the other hand, it will not do me any good to abuse my body by sheer neglect.  Though the easy chair clamors and the cockpit of my Corvette lures me, I cannot allow myself to just sit around and wait to die.  Somewhere in the middle there is a better place to be, and I think I found it on today's bike ride.

A reasonable ride at a steady pace on a regular basis will do my heart good.  Some light weights and some moderate resistance training will keep me as strong as possible.  Some casual swimming of laps will keep me relatively flexible. And between it all I hope to be able to slow down sin's payments long enough to experience life for a few more years of independence and enjoyment.  It should also allow me to enjoy watching my wonderful grandsons grow up to be godly young men.

However, the prideful sin inside me keeps wanting to tell me, "Go a little harder, Bob, you can do better, think of what you used to be!"  So growing old is a battle.  It's a battle against foolishness and pride,  but also against neglect and slothfulness.  One thing's for sure, I agree with my mother-in-law's assessment (who at 87 still lives independently): "Growing old ain't for wimps."

My Amazing, Wild and Crazy Life that I Never Dreamed Of!

I recently changed my profile picture on Facebook.  It was a picture taken of me behind the wheel of a red Corvette at Spring Mountain Racetrack in Nevada.  Looking at it made me pause and think about all the incredible things have happened in my life that I would have never dreamed would happen.

Growing up in Detroit I started working at the family business at age 12.  At first I thought I would probably work there the rest of my life.  Then I started Confirmation class and fell in love with the Word of God.  I never dreamed that God would call me to be a pastor instead of a wholesale florist.  But that's what happened.

I married my childhood sweetheart.  Yes, I did dream about that for many years before it came to pass. That was no surprise, but then Diana and I discovered that instead of children of our own God's plan was for us to adopt two beautiful girls and make them our own.  And along came Rebekah and MaryBeth.   Growing up I had hardly even heard of adoption.  Who would have thought it?

I was a young, active pastor in suburban Chicago.  I played racquetball, swam one kilometer several times a week.  I was thin and fit when at age 34 when I woke up in the middle of the night with a heart attack.  And two weeks later I had a second heart attack! I would have never dreamed that such a thing would happen to me at such a young age.  But it did.

I was studying Scripture with my associate pastor and the outcome of our learning was a book published by Concordia Publishing House, our church's denominational publisher.  I had dreamed of writing a book, so that was not a surprise.  But when a few years later I was charged with false doctrine based on what I wrote in a book approved by the Missouri Synod I was shocked!  I never dreamed that would happen.  I never dreamed I would have to fight a four year battle to remain a pastor.  Not in my wildest imagination.

I got through all of that and received several calls at the same time.  Two were to Chicago, where we had lived previously for 12 years.  I never dreamed I would end up accepting a call to Tacoma, Washington.  I barely knew the Pacific Northwest existed, let alone that I would end up living there for almost ten years.  What a blessing Our Savior, Tacoma turned out to be!

But after twenty five years of ministry and three heart attacks I was far from the thin and fit young man that I was when I had my first heart attack in 1984.  I never dreamed that I would get back in shape in my mid 50's.  Then God convicted me of the sin of gluttony and after losing 100 pounds I found myself riding my bike all over the west coast, literally.  In five years I rode more than 20,00 miles. I never imagined I would ride from Canada to Mexico in three weeks and raise $11000 for ultrasound machines for Crisis Pregnancy Centers.

Along the way Rebekah found herself with child and no place to live.  Yes, Diana and I urged her to move back in with us, but deep inside I confess that I was angry.  I knew my life would never be the same.  Now I'm ashamed of those thoughts, because I never dreamed what a blessing Elijah would be.  If someone told me that I would get to be "father" to a boy 25 years after Diana and I adopted a baby girl I would have said they were crazy. I was right that my life would never be the same, in the most wonderful ways!

Then came Texas.  Diana and I have always lived "up north."  Then MaryBeth received a DCE Internship in Houston, Texas.  The next thing we knew she was married and we had a brand new grandson "down south." Diana and I never dreamed that her last home would be in San Antonio, Texas, home of the Alamo. Yet, as we dug through her family history we found she had ancestors buried just a hundred miles from our home in Texas. And, yes, I had been to conferences at Concordia Lutheran Church, but I never dreamed that I would serve in ministry there.  Yet, here I am blessed to be a part of this wonderful church family and their exciting ministry.

But God had another surprise in store for us, one that neither one of us would have ever dreamed of in our worst nightmares.  Diana never smoked a day in her life so the diagnosis of Stage 4 Lung Cancer almost knocked us off our feet.  She fought her battle for 18 months with faith, courage, and above all hope through Jesus.  I never would have dreamed Diana would have died from lung cancer, but I should have known that she would bear her cross with grace and strength.

I never really thought about it that way, but I guess that in a certain sense in addition to being a pastor, I've been a wholesale florist most of my life.  Ever since my grandfather passed away some of his shares in the family business were placed in trust for his grandchildren. When my father died I inherited some more shares. I never would have dreamed that at exactly the right time, when we were facing extra expenses from Diana's illness, the family business would be sold.  It was a windfall that Diana and I never, ever counted on or even hoped for.

For my last birthday before she died Diana gave me a radio controlled C7 Corvette.  She knew that I've dreamed of owning a Corvette my whole life.  As she presented it to me she said, "This is the closest you'll ever come to owning a Corvette."  At the time, I thought she was right.  Then, the impossible happened, and I was able to not only own a Corvette but to drive one on a race track at Corvette Owners School.

My point in all of this meandering is that our plans are never God's plans. I ticked off about a dozen things that I never dreamed would happen in my life, but they did.  If I started to name all the amazing, wild and crazy things that have happened in this world during my lifetime that I would have never dreamed of happening, I couldn't even count them all.  The world today scares me.  But when I look at my own amazing, wild and crazy life and see how God has been faithful through it all to uphold, sustain and bless me over and over again, then I have peace.

What has God done in your life that you would have never dreamed of happening?  The next time life goes crazy and something wild happens, just remember that even though you never dreamed that would happen, God knew about it from the beginning of time.  And He will see you through it, just as He has me.  Otherwise, I wouldn't be driving that Corvette.

Delighted All Along... and at Long Last!

Having grown up in Detroit, the Motor City, cars run in my blood.  I have yet to buy my first foreign car.  In Detroit, if you didn’t buy a new American made car every two or three years you were not a loyal American.  My dad was bit by the new car bug at least every two years and sometimes more often than that.  I will always remember his 1964 metal flake gold Oldsmobile 442 convertible with a red interior. After a couple of years he passed it on to me, and I had way too much fun driving that muscle car along Woodward Avenue.  As a result, over the years I’ve spent far too much money buying new American cars.  Some of them were great (like the 365 horsepower Ford Explorer Sport I now own).  Some of them were awful (like the Chevy Citation whose hatch I had to prop open with a broom stick).  Some were fun (like my Dodge Neon with a sunroof and a four on the floor). And some were rather forgettable (what year was that Buick something or other?).

There’s one car that I will never forget, however.  It was September of 1956, and as usual all the new car dealers up and down Woodward Avenue had papered over their showroom windows in anticipation of revealing their newest models.  I was just seven years old, clinging to my father’s hand as the dealer unlocked the showroom doors and let the public in for our first glimpse of the new 1957 Chevys.  I’m sure there was at least one iconic 1957 Chevy Bel Air on that showroom floor but that’s not the car I saw.  The one that caught my eye and captured my heart that day was a Corvette convertible.  It was a gorgeous shade of blue with white coves and a white interior.  I drooled all over that car while my dad walked around looking at the more practical, family oriented options.  “Someday,” I thought, “I’m going to own a Corvette.”

God had other plans, however, and called me into the pastoral ministry, which made it impossible for me to even consider such an expensive and impractical automobile.  Nevertheless, I still nurtured a secret passion in my soul for that two seater that would snap necks on take off, and turn heads as it flew by.  I’ve inwardly drooled over just about every generation of Corvette ever since.  The 1963 split window coupe is an all time favorite of mine.  Unfortunately, I didn’t really love the C4, and 5 iterations nearly as much as the early versions.  Somehow the smoothed-out fenders with bug-eye, pop-up headlamps never really did much for me.  But when the C6 Corvette came out in 2005 I fell in love all over again. 

Then, in 2014 Chevrolet did something that pushed me over the edge.  For the first time since 1983 they brought back the Stingray nameplate.  When I first saw a picture of the C7 Corvette Stingray online the styling took my breath away.  I knew I had to own one, but how?  Then, almost unbelievably, God graciously provided a once in a lifetime financial windfall that actually made it possible for me to consider such an outlandish idea.  At last, after almost 60 years of “wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin', plannin' and dreamin’ each night of [its] charms” (thank you, Dusty Springfield), I finally ordered my own 2016 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray Z51 coupe.  I was able to justify it, in part, as an investment, since it won’t be my daily driver.  Although it may never sell for more than its purchase price, it will retain a significant portion of its value for that day when my kids decide to sell it, after I’ve enjoyed it here on earth and can no longer drive it, or have moved on to better things in heaven.

I am delighted to praise the name of the gracious God I serve.  Throughout my entire lifetime God has consistently met every single need in my life.  I have never wanted for anything I truly had need of.  And on top of all that, God has time and time again fulfilled my wishes and longings for things that I really didn’t need, but only wanted to enjoy.  In fact, God has been so good that there were only two things left on my "bucket list." One is to ride my bike in France and watch a stage of the Tour de France.  I'm confident that God will one day make that too happen.  The other was to own a Corvette.

This gift of God's grace is one more example of His divine goodness, of which there is absolutely no merit or worthiness on my part, whatsoever.  It is just amazing that God would be so kind and generous to me!  But all of this is perfectly in line with the promises of His Word. “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him.” (Psalm 145:18-19)  In this incredible piece of automotive engineering God certainly has fulfilled the "driving" desires of my heart. What else can I say but, “Thanks, Lord!”  Incidentally, that's the license plate I chose for my new "Vette." THXLRD!

When Life Becomes Death

I just finished reading a book from the New York Times best seller list.  The book is entitled, "When Breath Becomes Air."  It was written by Paul Kalanithi.  Paul was a 36 year old neurosurgeon who died of lung cancer on March 9, 2015 almost two months to the day before Diana died.  Like Diana, he had never smoked, and was first diagnosed in Stage IV of the disease.  

Reading his book was profoundly difficult for me, but also healing in a very real sense.  It helped me relive some of the joys and sorrows Diana and I experienced during her battle with cancer.  It made me appreciate how good God was to us during the course of Diana's illness, allowing us to enjoy many good days, probably  many more than Paul did in the course of his battle. It also helped me see Diana's courage, grace, faith and hope, qualities that were clearly present in Paul's life as he fought against cancer.  

Paul died before he had the opportunity to finish his book.  The epilogue was written by his wife, Lucy. She wrote beautifully of the final days of Paul's life.  It was as though I was sitting once again in the easy chair in my study, next to Diana's hospital bed, holding her hand during her final days.  One paragraph she wrote was particularly poignant to me.

"Although these last few years have been wrenching and difficult— sometimes almost impossible— they have also been the most beautiful and profound of my life, requiring the daily act of holding life and death, joy and pain in balance and exploring new depths of gratitude and love." (Kalanithi, Paul (2016-01-12). When Breath Becomes Air (p. 219). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.) 

I've written before that at a certain level I was thankful for Diana's cancer, because it brought us closer together than ever before.  I now realize that it was also a blessing in many other ways.  It gave me the opportunity to serve Diana more lovingly and selflessly than I had ever done before.  It allowed me to see her faith profoundly at work in a terribly difficult time.  It truly was a time of "holding life and death, joy and pain in balance."  It absolutely did allow me to "explore new depths of gratitude and love," in my relationship with both Diana and our Lord.

Reading Paul's book was a little bit like tearing the scab off a wound before it was ready to come off on its own. As I read, I remembered and I wept.  It brought all my pain to the forefront again.  I believe, however that in the end I will heal better for having read it.  I strongly recommend it to anyone who would like to wrestle with the issues of life and death.  The truth is, every single one of us is terminally ill from sin.  And none of us, not even those diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer knows exactly when or how we will die.  But when we have our faith and hope securely anchored in Jesus, in the reality of his life, death, and resurrection, then we can die well no matter when or how we die, because we know with certainty that we will live forever.  

 

Just a Guy on a Bike... Again

I’ve been riding bikes for as long as I can remember.  My youth was filled with the usual bike related mishaps including one incident where all I remember is waking up flat on my back with my mother bending over me, willing me back to sentient existence.  This pre-helmet-era crash left me unconscious but fortunately, not permanently brain damaged.  My first geared bike was a five-speed Schwinn Continental that I rode many long miles on the back roads of southeastern Michigan.

Sundays while a student at the seminary were marked by leisurely rides through the park in Springfield, Illinois with my wife and our best friends.
By the time I became a father with two girls on bikes of their own, I had graduated to a ten-speed Continental.  It was a tank of a bike with steel everything, except the tires.  That Schwinn weighed more than either of my two young daughters, who danced on the pedals ahead of me as we followed the Illinois Prairie Path to the yogurt store several miles from our house.

A few years later, I bought a steel frame cross bike and rode various distances out and back on the Luce Line Trail between Wayzata and Hutchinson, Minnesota.  All this time I never considered myself a serious cyclist, just a guy who liked to ride his bike. Gradually I let myself get seriously out of shape.  By the time I was pastoring in Tacoma, Washington, biking was nothing more than a fading memory, even though I was only 53 years old.  Then my life changed, radically.

I was preparing a series of messages about the seven deadly sins.  Honestly, I was way too proud about the sins I thought I had under control: pride (ironically), sloth (despite my inactivity), wrath, lust, greed, and envy.  But the last one troubled me: gluttony.  Being seriously overweight at nearly 300 pounds, I came to the conviction that if I was going to preach on the subject of gluttony, I had better face it head on. Thus began a nine-month regimen of eating less while walking, swimming and working out at the gym.  It left me a hundred pounds lighter and pretty fit.

Even though I was as fit and trim as ever, I had never gotten back on the bike.  Then, one Sunday morning a friend overheard me talking about how I could keep off the weight I lost.  He asked if I owned a bicycle and I said, “Yes.”  He offered to meet me later in the week at the Foothills Trail near where we lived.  

It was a cold and damp late winter morning when I showed up in shorts and a sweatshirt with my now very dusty and slightly rusty ten-year-old cross bike. I looked at Michael and wondered if I made a mistake.  He had a bright and beautiful aluminum road bike with integrated brake and shift levers.  He looked the part of a serious cyclist in weather-appropriate tights and jacket, full-finger gloves and a helmet.  On top of all that, he was wearing some strange looking shoes that attached to his pedals, something I had never seen before.  As we headed out on the trail I told Michael to go easy on me.  I struggled to hold his wheel at a miserable 14 miles per hour, but I soon began to wonder if I might learn to enjoy riding my bike all over again.  

On our second ride just a week later, Michael took a left turn we hadn’t taken before and headed up Military Rd.  He didn’t warn me about what lay ahead. It was a mile long climb of over 500 feet, with grades as steep as 20%.  After a half-mile of climbing my legs felt like jelly, and I was forced to stop and rest.  Michael asked if I wanted to turn around and coast back down the hill. With all the strength I could muster I said, “No! Let’s finish it.”  By the time I reached the summit my legs and lungs burned with searing pain, but I hadn’t felt so good in 30 years.  I knew I was hooked!

It was shortly afterwards that Michael shared his dream with me.  He wanted to ride the “STP” and was looking for a partner.  The Seattle to Portland ride is one of the largest organized bike rides in the country. Most riders complete the 200-mile classic in two days. Michael wanted to finish the whole course in one day.  Was I interested in joining him? “Sure,” I replied almost glibly, while wondering internally about my own sanity.

We began our training and I soon realized that my sadly aging cross bike was not up to the task.  In my heart I already knew I was going to become a serious cyclist, so I decided to make a serious commitment.  I plunked down $1000 and bought a new aluminum road bike. I began to take turns with Michael pulling for the two of us.  Soon he suggested that I go whole hog and buy some cycling shoes and clipless pedals.  There was no turning back.  I practiced clipping in and out on the front lawn, but on the first outing I fell and fractured my right arm.  It was already April. The STP was roaring at me like a fully loaded freight train due in the yard on July 17, but nothing could stop me now.  One month after my fall I was back on my bike training hard.  I’ll never forget the first time our computers registered 100 miles during a ride.  Michael and I whooped and hollered. We even took a picture of the digits to make a record of our accomplishment.

When the day of the STP arrived, Michael and his wife picked me up at 4:00 am.  We left Seattle at 5:15 in the morning and didn’t arrive in Portland, Oregon until 8:15 that night, but we made it.  We had trained well and the weather was great. It proved to be a rather uneventful ride that didn’t weigh heavily on either our bodies or minds until the last 20 miles.  The thrill of victory was written all over my face as I crossed the finish line.  It finally registered in my head, “I’m a cyclist!  I’m a serious cyclist!” 

The STP was just the beginning.  I began gobbling up miles as though I were a glutton at a Thanksgiving feast.  My favorite ride became a 60-mile jaunt to Puget Sound and back.  I would regularly ride a solo century to Mercer Island.  Over the next four years I undertook every cycling challenge I could cram into my busy schedule as Senior Pastor of a large church.  

I rode a century for the benefit of a new charity called Ride4US.  I did the Courage Classic, covering more than 150 miles and climbing three mountain passes in three days.  I attempted the Ride Around Puget Sound (168 miles) but quit at 111 miles in a drenching rain. (A wrong turn had taken me down to the Hood Canal and forced me to do 700 feet of needless climbing to get back on course.)  I rode the Tour de Blast, climbing Mount St. Helens. The most beautiful ride of all was from Monterey to Cambria on Highway 1 along the California coast. A friend battling cancer asked me to join his Team in Training group on the Honolulu Century.  The most difficult ride was the day another friend and I started at the foot of Mount Rainier and climbed all they way to where the road ends at Sunrise. Then we turned around and rode back down the mountain.  It was 140 miles and 9000 feet of climbing in 12 hours.  

By now the members of my church were well aware of my cycling exploits. They honored me for Pastor Appreciation Month with the gift of a new high-end carbon fiber road bike.  It was the same bike used by Tour de France champions!  It was sleek, light, fast and beautiful, a better bike than I could have ever bought myself.  It was a better bike than I deserved, for the caliber of cyclist I had become.  Yes, I was strong and could ride a long distance, but I wasn’t fast.  Nevertheless, the road was calling and I was answering on the best bike I had never dreamed of owning! It was as though I was possessed.  I couldn’t get enough time or miles on the bike.  I had become a cycling fanatic in a cycling frenzy!

When I received a three-month sabbatical leave from my congregation, I decided to spend part of the time raising funds for Ride4US by riding my bike from Canada to Mexico.  Over three weeks I rode from the Canadian border in Washington State, down through Oregon and California, to the Mexican border in San Diego.  I treasured both the miles and the adventure.  The sights, sounds and smells of the Pacific Ocean provided an ever-changing kaleidoscopic backdrop for my ride.  It was the cycling odyssey of a lifetime and I relished every mile of it.

Two years and several thousand miles later, I took an early retirement from full-time ministry and moved to Texas to be near family.  I envisioned myself circumnavigating the Texas Hill Country, pounding out century after century in my newly acquired leisure time.  Instead, I found that my life as a cyclist had entered a new phase.  

As I explored the roads and hills around our new home, I experienced the pleasure of going on shorter rides at a more relaxed pace.  I realized I didn’t have to ride my body into the pavement to achieve something of value on my bike.  Now my average ride is 20 to 30 miles.  My average pace is 13 not 18 mph.  My purpose is to celebrate the bike, not conquer the road.  My goal is simple, to enjoy the ride.

In addition, I’m once again experiencing the joy of riding with a child.  This time it’s my grandson who scurries ahead of me, like my daughters did so many years before.  Sometimes, I pull my younger grandson in a trailer while my older grandson rides along.  It’s a totally different kind of riding than the fierce, hard-driven endurance cycling that marked my middle 50’s.  It’s more like the riding I did before I became a “serious cyclist.”  It’s riding my bike just for the fun of it.

I’m thankful for the season in my life when centuries were the norm. I had some terrific experiences.  I saw some tremendous sights.  I made some great friends.  I conquered some significant challenges, both physically and mentally.  But I am also thankful that just as I began my life simply riding a bike, now I can wrap it up by riding my bike for the fun of it.  It’s good to be just a guy on a bike… again.

A Posthumous Witness from My Beautiful Valentine

The thoughts that follow were written by my wife Diana while she was hospitalized during her treatment for stage 4 lung cancer.  They are completely unedited.  I just ran across them on my computer today.  I had to share them with you, because they are such a beautiful illustration of her faith.  Her positive attitude in the midst of suffering demonstrate why it was so easy for me to be her caregiver.  Today was a very hard day, to be without my Valentine.  But these thoughts reminded me of how she suffered (without complaint) and made me think of how much better off she is with Jesus.  I miss you terribly, Sweetheart!  I still love you this Valentine's Day, as much as ever.  The picture is from last Valentine's Day.

An Afternoon of Contemplation

In between spiking fevers and sweating through the bedding, and being oxygen dependent there are just so many things to be thankful for.  Simple things like my best friend in the whole world, and life long partner has been with me constantly.  Today it was such a blessing to take a shower after four days of sweating through fevers and hospital grunge.  How many people in this world do not have availability of clean water, even for drinking let alone bathing.  I’ve been drinking gallons of water, which means frequent trips to the bathroom. 

I had the opportunity to listen to our church service today, to know how many hundreds of people here in San Antonio were praying for me this morning, plus my Facebook and CaringBridge friends.  It was amazing even though I wasn’t able to be in church, I could still hear the message by live streaming, although I went in and out with the fever.  In another place or era that luxury would not be available. In marriage you see their spouse at their absolute worst but love them anyway.  That’s how Bob has been to me.  He made me feel loved and acceptable, just like Jesus.  Years ago someone spoke of “Jesus with skin on.”  When I looked into Bob’s face and heard to jokes to help us keep perspective, I couldn’t thank God enough.  Some of the news we heard this morning was less than positive.  One of the things that I have hoped would happen was to see my grandsons confirmed, so that they have Jesus in their hearts and lives, so that during the challenging times they know who to go to and where to go for help.  Things that I have so much taken for granted seem so good.  I have my own teeth at age 66 and can bite into an apple without difficulty.  I’ve worn glasses since age five in Kindergarten and to be able to sit and watch the football games… thank you God for my sight.  However long the Lord still gives me life here on earth, to be able to have oxygen so I can breathe more easily, is a true blessing.  Our girls are such a blessing.  We couldn’t have children of our own but God had a better plan.  We were able to adopt little babies who are now women of whom we are very proud.  I really had hoped to see my grandsons confirmed, but I know that our daughters will share our Christian faith with them. 

Last night right at sunset the hospital bed was high enough to see out the window and watch the cloud shapes and different colors.  It reminded me of looking out the window of the car in the back seat as Dad was driving home from the lake in Michigan, and how I would watch the clouds then and dream.  My dreams were so limited.  God had so much more in store for us!  I had a card on the window ledge and a yellow butterfly landed on the window right by the card with dragon flies on it.  It made me smile.  The people who have taken care of me, both as an outpatient for the past year and in the hospital have been so loving and caring, and so positive.  That’s the impact I want to have on others… to be positive.  The littlest, simplest task now totally wears me out.  We’ve taken time to reminisce over anniversaries and trips that we’ve had through our 43 years.  This has been a positive experience in that way.  I wouldn’t necessarily have chosen it, but it’s given us perspective.  I still can get over all the sludge that has built up in my chest, but Jesus is going to take it all away.  We have recently purchased cemetery plots so that the girls wouldn’t have to deal with that.  It’s been an opportunity to witness through out tombstone.  We wanted people who would come to the little Texas Hill Country cemetery to know what hope in Jesus is like.  We have one headstone.  On my side it has John 14: Peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you.  On the other side it has Ephesians 2: By grace you have been saved though faith in Christ Jesus.  Over the years my personality has changed so that instead of worrying I have become much more relaxed and happy.

While talking to one of the doctors on call today, his faith was very evident because he said “God has the final say.”  How many people have not heard or accepted that so that when they face a trauma like this they fall apart or despair.  I didn’t feel that way at all.  I don’t want to go home without Bob, but that’s all in God’s hands too.  We don’t have to worry about unsanitary conditions like so many areas of the world.  We don’t have to worry about our lives being snuffed out because of our faith in Jesus.  The concern for the lost is heavy on my heart.  After hearing the doctor hear about going to any length to try to stay here on earth as if that’s their only hope makes me sad.  I’ve thought about how the places you’ve lived and the people with whom you’ve rubbed shoulders have impacted who we are at this point in life.  I can remember as a kid being such a worry wort.  “What if I got a B instead of an A on my report card.”  God worked all those things out over the years.  Now I can stare death in the face and know that God will work this out too.